Sometimes self-realizations come at the most peculiar times – well, unless we remind ourselves that any sort of realizations, self or otherwise, can come to us at any time. Even when one is staring at their reflection in the mirror while having a ciggie…in the bathroom.
.Blowing the bubble
The question that has been floating around for some time now is, “ What am I really accomplishing in my life?” It’s this feeling of not “doing” something significant that’s been bugging me, not much but it tends to butt in every few days or so. It’s this feeling of mild panic (?) that this major change in my life was for nothing. It’s this feeling of wanting to show something for the changes that I have made in my life (work wise). It’s basically me trying to conform to what society dictates. “Where is the ROI?” (That’s Return of Investment for those who aren’t business lingo savvy 😉 )
Well, here’s the thing. When most (myself included) decide to get on the “spiritual journey” band wagon, they probably envision becoming someone close to Mother Theresa or Buddha. You know, turning into this almost ethereal mystical person that smiles benignly at all that goes on around them, being totally at peace and bliss 100% of the time, communing with the angels, elementals and God in silent meditation. God, this entity that is separate from us, an entity so great and awe inspiring, so full of love and acceptance that we strive like little children try so hard to be on Santa’s “nice” list. Or, they go into it feeling and hoping that all their troubles and problems will miraculously fade away as they go from one clearing session to another. That they will be able to know their future during Tarot card readings, palm reading, astrology sessions etcetera and be given a “magic pill” to wash all the muck away.
Time to pop the bubble
What it is, is something so far from that illusion. What it is, is what you are experiencing right now. That’s is the journey. That’s is spiritual. It is the bad relationships we have, it’s the job that we wish we could trade for something better, it’s the times when you roll your eyes at someone and want to clock them one on the head. It’s life. It’s our life. That *is* the journey – the spiritual journey.
This is it. This is where we learn our lessons. This is where we realize that it is HOW we live our life that is the spiritual in our journey. How we respond to people and our environment. Oh…and it’s also how and how much we work on ourselves.
It’s how much we allow us to reach into the depths of us to clear the muck within us.
It’s how much we allow us to love ourselves for who we are (no exceptions)
It’s how much we are willing to look at our fears in the eye, to go through that fear and come out on the other side.
It is how willing we are to acknowledge our duality, the light and the shadows within us, to embrace them both and to love ourselves equally, as a whole.
It’s the times when we feel ecstatic, it’s the times when we feel down trodden, it’s the highs and lows of our lives and it is how much we are willing to totally immerse ourselves in it.
It’s when we want to throw in the towel and sulk because nothing seems to be working.
One thing it is not though is the thing we think it is. We ultimately don’t know…anything. Life will unfold for us, the journey will present itself to us, each minute of each day we live our lives. That is a major part of the spiritual journey. It’s messy. We make it messy because our egos are terrified of the change. I know I am. I keep wanting, I keep doing…and right this moment I have realized that I am tightly trying to keep control over my life.
What I am not doing which I would do well to do is to just be.
As William Shakespeare so eloquently asked “To be or not to be, that is the question”
Another ciggie in the bathroom and this time trying quite hard not to stare at the reflection I realized – I’m totally feeling moody and tired and a little empty right.this.moment! And that my friend, is O.K. 🙂
- The Spiritual Journey (realityofone.wordpress.com)