Secrets

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Click picture for source

“Secrets, silent, stony sit in the dark palaces of both our hearts: secrets weary of their tyranny: tyrants willing to be dethroned.”
James Joyce

This post was inspired by a poem written by SageDoyle called Secrets.

My first impression on reading the poem was that it is a sad truth that we tend to keep things a secret from our loved ones, and because these secrets can eat away at us, consciously or unconsciously, the relationship suffers – sometimes a lot, sometimes subtly.

I do understand why we have secrets. I have secrets. Things about me that I am ashamed of, of embarrassing moments that I’d rather soon forget, things that make me feel “dirty”, things that I am afraid of or the things that make me feel uncomfortable when I even think of thinking about it. But here’s the thing…should I be feeling all those things? It was done. It is in the past. It needs to be faced, at least by me.

My vision of an ideal relationship is to meet someone that I grow to like and then love, from friends to something deeper. My ideal is that there should not be any secrets. Because to have secrets is to not be open and honest about who I was that made me who I am today. But that’s me…and that’s my ideal.

What the poem triggered in me as a second impression was the secrets that we keep hidden not from anyone else outside…but within us. The secrets that we bury deep down within us, not wanting them to see the light of truth. The ones that we need to be brave enough to face, to acknowledge, to forgive, to learn to accept and to finally love so that we can be whole. It doesn’t mean justifying the actions, it means I think to acknowledge that we did those actions, for whatever reasons and to learn what it taught us , and then to “let it go” – not because of fear or shame but because we are done with it.

I feel when we keep secrets from ourselves, it tears us inside. Makes the split ego more divided. We make ourselves feel guilty because we feel that it’s not the norm, that it is not accepted, that we were wrong. The thing is, who decides that anything is normal? Just because the majority say it is normal, does it proof that it is so? As long as the action has not permanently hurt someone (like killing or physically wounding someone or being an abuser; and so on), then why are we all so hell-bent on being “normal” when in all honesty we have absolutely no idea what normal is!

It’s hard to look within and face our fears ;and what we assume to be our downfalls. But I feel it’s something worth looking into because the result I feel would free us. Break some of the masks that we put on which can allow us to be more at peace, be breathe a little easier.

I’m not saying we go around proclaiming our secrets…no. I’m saying we work on it, from within. And if there are secrets that we feel we need to share with certain people, then we work on that too…and you never know, it could be a situation where you were an “ass” to “ass-u-me” that it was something worthy of the sufferings some secrets cause 😉

What do you think? Aye or nay?

11 thoughts on “Secrets

  1. Fascinating post! I think it’s important to consider whether we are keeping secrets out of shame or out of love. As you say, shame is a pointless, destructive emotion, and learning to forgive ourselves and make peace with those secrets is a worthy goal. But not all secrets should be shared with everyone. Sometimes it’s an act of love to keep secrets. The difficult part is being honest enough with ourselves to decide which is which… 🙂

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    1. Hey Diane! It’s true that we don’t need to go around telling everyone every thing because that isn’t the purpose of it.I’m not sure about keeping secrets as an act of love, though I do get what you mean….sometimes we don’t say anything because we don’t want to cause unnecessary distress to a person…?

      And thank you for liking the post! 😀

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  2. Thanks for sharing my poem and the link as the source of the inspiration for this piece. I’m very flattered! I know you said you were going to sometime but I forgot about that lol. Anyway, beautiful piece, and I think it’s great how you capture the essence of the various secrets people have, that we keep from whatever people in their lives, whatever the relationships, or even themselves. Interesting too to think of the reasons why we might keep the secrets, whether or not it’s for the best, or selfishness, or presumably out of consideration. The complexity behind the concept of secrets is intense, so much so that you made me realize that a thesis could actually be written about it lol So perhaps you have opened the link up for a chain of inspiration 😉

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    1. A thesis about secrets…wow…that would be really digging deep into the human heart / mind…!
      Sometimes I feel we as human just love complicating things..maybe it’s just our human condition…complicate, complicate, complicate….light bulb moment!….it was that simple?!

      Thank you for your comment as well! It’s really appreciated!

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      1. Yeah, I think humans have philosophical, analytical thinking, and I believe that animals don’t. Animals may analyze a situation in a concrete and rational step by step approach in terms of survival, or play for domestic animals, but nothing like what we do. Animals don’t existentialize so far as we know lol

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  3. HI Shree,
    good to back and reading great blogs again. and this one made me stop and think… A good thing methinks,,
    Secrets as you say, can tear you apart, but also as you say, sharing them doesn’t always help one face the undeniable truth that secrets are sometimes necessary for the sake of peace of mind… It depends on the secret itself. We all have things to hide, small or large they loom always in our mind, just at the back, hidden in the shadows… Facing up to to the reason why they ARE a secret brings us to maybe embarrassment, shame, regret, and sheer terror. I tried once to share a big secret with my other half, someone who I thought would help delve into my psyche and dig out this piece of myself, show it to the light and let it disperse., to no avail, I still felt the feelings of hurt and shame … ’tis apparently something I will feel all my life… but I accept this now, accept it as part of growing and gaining knowledge of oneself. No-ones a perfect human being, we all have to learn about ourselves and forgive. Phew!! … Thanks for waking up my grey cells this Saturday morning…. take care my friend. xPenx

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    1. Wow Pen! That was an awesome comment!! I have nothing to add except for a *hug*…there will be things that we may not be able to fully let go off and I have a feeling that, that’s okay. Because the thing is….you are aware of it and take it as a lesson. 🙂

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