My “you-ness”

magnificent-challenge-badgeA long over due post, a challenge posted by Linda from litebeing.com, “to celebrate our unique essence and energy, and to embrace our inner god and goddess”. It is called “Celebrate Your Magnificence Challenge”. I came across this blog challenge more than a month ago, 43 days ago to be exact. It was my first day back from an almost 3 year-long hiatus away from WordPress, and Linda’s blog was one of the first few I had visited, and this was the post I plonked on.

Usually, I’m all excited about challenges posted in this world of WordPress. These sorts of posts encourage bloggers (and sometimes even non-bloggers) to force their boundaries to expand a little more, they push us to think a little more, maybe even write about something or write in a style that isn’t our “normal”. So, why has it taken me 43 days to get to this post? Well, for one…most times being stubborn I don’t like backing down from challenges, and the 30th of November marks the expiry date for this particular one. Secondly, I did sort of…kind of…say I would take part in it and so, this is me attempting to keep my sort of, kind of word..lol. However, I think that the main reason that I want to do this is because I honestly would like to see what I write about myself. Right now, as I type this, my inner god and goddess are contemplating a long, long, long vacation from life in general. I am trying my very best to take a step back and to apply certain things that I have been advised to do, but this mental dreariness keeps hanging around…like those dark, heavy storm cloudsΒ  making their presence known to us here in Malaysia, almost every day. The only issue is, that while these storm clouds unleash their pent-up rain on us…mine hasn’t yet. I don’t think it has..I’m not even sure. I have no plan on how I’m going to approach this topic, I have absolutely no idea what I am going to say in this post about myself…and I don’t really know if “celebrating” will play a role in it either.

I will say though, I truly do believe that we all have our own beautiful magnificent selves. It’s within us. It’s a glowing awesomeness that we are born with. For some, it is right there, shinning and allowing others to see it, to bask in its warm glow, to extend out and envelope all those around them with this sense of comfort and ease. For some, it’s buried deep inside, the person completely unaware of its presence, unaware that by sifting and shifting the stuff within, they can reach it..they can feel it..and they can tap into its deep pool of brilliant light…a light that will rise up to fill them within, to clear away the darkness and to bring back some semblance of calm into their lives. Most of us…most of us I feel are in between these two ends. We sometimes have this glimpse of our own magnificence, sometimes we see it in others and sometimes we can FEEL its presence within us and within others. And then, that moment passes and we are drowned by the everyday noises of our mind, of our self-imposed demands, of demands imposed by others…we get drowned by all the mental clutter and the emotional turbulence of what we messy humans call life.

I will say though, that we are ALL unique. To me, it has always been a paradox of the human existence. Why? Well, on one hand, I know and I truly believe we are all unique. We can never BE another person. We can try to walk in another person’s shoe, we can in other words learn to empathise, BUT when we do so, we do so with a condition. That condition is that we will still be walking in those shoes carrying our own perceptions and experiences. We will see with our own eyes. We will feel with our own emotions. We will think with our own thoughts. It would take someone who can absolutely and in all certainty, be able to completely empty themselves of themselves, before we can TRULY be that other person. To walk in their shoes AND to see through their eyes, to feel with their emotions and to think with their thoughts. If anyone claims to be able to do so, then I applaud you and take my invisible hat (I’m not a hat wearing person..hehe) to you. On the other hand, we are ALL ONE. We all come from the same source. So in essence we ARE all the same. We all have fears that drive us or hold us back. We all have this need to love and to be loved. We all have this deep underlying challenge of truly feeling worthy of anything good. It’s something that plagues us all, at different levels definitely, but still there. I read some where that all souls when born into this world, onto this plane, carry that with them. Maybe it is the culmination of all our experiences from past lives, maybe it is part of the ‘deal’ when we decided to enter into existence as humans to experience this, along with duality. Whatever the reasons may be, it’s there. Which is why, books like “The Secret” did so well.

I will say though that we ALL have a divine feminine and masculine aspect within us. This is definitely the ‘deal’ of becoming human. It’s funny (haha sort of funny) and yet frustrating. We as souls are ONE, we decide to come into existence to experience life and emotions and all these things that make up “life” and in doing so we enter a world of duality. We split into masculine and feminine and this whole life is to remember our ONE-ness and re-learning how to go back to that balanced state. Like, what gives?? I love the ancient wisdoms. They portray gods and goddess as not only the masculine and feminine of us, but most stories also show the light and dark sides of these immortals. And the idea of embracing our own god and goddess aspects is to embrace that we have them all coursing within us. The masculine energies (the logic, the structure, the “power”, the mind, the kingly aspects) and the feminine energies (the creative force, the intuition, the nurturing, the heart, the queenly aspects), and the light and shadow-self. Embracing it all within us. Bringing them all to sit around and sing Kumbaya is probably one of the more difficult lessons we need to learn. In fact, I’ve been trying to get my mind and heart to fall in love with each other, and that’s not really going too well. They sometimes fight and argue, leaving me a complete and utter mess.

I know that what I am about to list down isn’t “unique” in and of itself. However, I will say that its uniqueness will lie in how I do these things. Because these are things that are touched by my own experiences, my own perceptions, my own thoughts, my own fears, my own emotions…my own everything. These are some of the things that I feel in part, makes me, me.

  1. I have a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, smart, imaginative mind that most times drives me insane! Just as it is wonderful it has its shadow-self. It whispers things that bring me down, it tells me things that make me panic, it shows me things that makes me angry or sad. At the same time, it shows me how ONE thing can have SO many different interpretations. It shows me how ONE situation has so many different probabilities and possibilities. It shoots me down and THEN gives me a pep talk to pick me up. It allows me to be a quick learner, to grasp concepts and big ideas really fast…and then inundates me with all sorts of “short comings” that I have and brings everything crashing down. It takes me on beautiful, wonderful journeys on my unicorn called Imagination…but sometimes takes a “wrong” turn into scary or really sad places. It makes me feel frustrated with people who can’t “get things” fast and then whispers to me that, that thought is really not fair. My mind as my sister told me once, is my gift and my curse…but you know what? I am learning to love my mind. To embrace it. To take hold of both sides of it and love them to death! (figuratively of course…hehe).
  2. I can empathise. With everyone except my mum and dad, apparently. But, you know..mother- and father-issues, are as what they are and will always be. Most of the time, because my awesomeness does have its limits…hehe, I can take a situation that someone is going through and look at it, and feel it and from there be able to help them…in one way or another. I do however, always keep in mind, that what I see and feel isn’t strictly what the other is going through, but to some extent I can. I think, I used to do it more. A lot more. But that drained me a lot. I don’t really think I have recovered from that, yet.
  3. I’m a barnacle. There are certain friends…certain connections…where I have been a total barnacle. I will stick with you and to you no matter what! Again, this got me into quite a bit of doo-doo and now, my barnacle-ness has its limits. Now, I have learned that sometimes, it is good to let go. Now I’ve learned (the hard way), that one does not fix people, even though you can SEE that they need “fixing”…what you SEE is none of your business. Our job as friends or even family, is not to fix someone else. We are there to help, we are there to support…and whatever may come out of it, we cannot be responsible for everyone all the time. Trying to “fix” someone is actually quite an arrogant behaviour. And I have no right to do so. Having said that, I do tend to nag some people…still..hehe..I can’t help it :/
  4. I can be trusted with a secret. But, make sure you TELL me it is a secret. Don’t expect me to know it. I may jokingly say I’m psychic, but that’s not going to be your excuse. The best part? I will, most times, completely forget whatever juicy/dark story you’ve told me. Which is why, secrets are usually, always safe with me. πŸ˜‰
  5. I am honest about myself. If I see it within me, I will tell you. I will say one thing. Even though I seem to be an open book, which I am, what I tell you and show you…can be “superficial”. I tend to keep my own issues and problems to myself. Most times. Sometimes, I do whine and moan and groan, get all drama queen and such, but I rarely, truly go to my true feelings. My true fears, my true hopes and dreams…I will tell you about the man who I have been dreaming about since I was a child…but there are parts of it that I won’t share..that I can’t…the feelings…I’m always pretty guarded about my feelings. (See, told you I’m honest about myself).
  6. I rarely ever, have regrets. I won’t say that it’s because I choose to. It’s more of, I just don’t really see it as a regret. Recently, there have been one or two decisions that I’ve made which have made me wonder, but I’m taking it as experiences that are there to teach me a lesson, to help me. And that’s a good thing.
  7. I was once told, I could make a great political speech writer. You could give me shit, and I will be able to present you with a silver lined blob of poo. Hehe.

And so, that in about 2000 words is my challenge done and posted. Can we get a YEAH!?

You don’t have to be a blogger, you don’t have to share this with anyone, but you know what? If you want to, you should take some time and try this out for yourselves. See what comes up. It could be interesting…for you, to see your own unique, awesome self, to embrace your god and goddess aspects, both the light and the shadow-half. And if you plan to share it, that would be awesome too!

11 thoughts on “My “you-ness”

  1. Dear Shree,
    I just finished reading your challenge post and so much if it resonated with me deeply. You have a knack for relating the personal in a way that hits universal themes with humor and grace. This blogging challenge is not an easy one and I have not completed my own yet ( but will soon). I am not sure why most of my blogging challenges have been difficult, but perhaps there is a chance to grow by staring the tough questions in the face until one of you blinks, hehe!

    Thank you so very much for keeping your quasi-commitment to write about your “you-ness”. I bet many will relate to your words and will be better off for taking in your magnificent vibrations!

    hugs with love,
    Linda

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  2. We are what we are, Shree. Your mind sounds very much like mine with its confusing contradictions… how can we tell if we’ve done a good job if we tell ourselves that we haven’t? Somehow, though, we get through it. And by that, I mean what we’re doing, and what our mind is telling us what we’re doing. We get through both. We’re living, breathing paradoxes, when you think about it. Our minds are so huge, far bigger than what our bodies are, if we stop and think about it, but we tend to focus on that one tiny doubt-filled part which seems to control us. Explore the other areas, I say. Reach out. Branch out. Go for it.
    If you do, though, make sure you do it your own magnificent way.
    And here’s a big ‘YAY!’ from me. You’ve shared a lot in this unique post – even your Inner Barnacle – so good for you.

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  3. There are quite a few of your traits that really hit home for me, and that I would say I share with you. Most of number 1 and 2. I guess some of it is that over time similar types of people end up in the same circles. Number 6 is not one of the ones I share, though, and I more often than not have regrets.

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    1. Well…I’m thinking regrets per se isn’t really bad. Unless we let it bring us down. It can be seen as an awareness of sorts? Like you realise that maybe the decisions made weren’t right with you…so when you feel that, it comes as regret? The thing is to move on from there, I suppose… πŸ™‚

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  4. Hey, you’re back – it’s nice to see you again! Here’s a great big YEAH for you! πŸ™‚ I’d lost the link to your blog but I’ve got it back now.

    I’m sorry you’re dealing with mental dreariness right now – that’s no fun, and I’m impressed that you were able to put it aside to write such an interesting and introspective post. I hope your dreariness lifts soon to let your awesomeness shine!

    Liked by 1 person

Awesomeness is in the sharing of thoughts :)

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