Date: 6th January 2013
I’d like to say that I’ve made progress in leaps and bounds but sadly that isn’t really true. I have noticed that I’m more aware of my feelings, of my actions and that I’m not as perturbed as I used to be about “being left behind” in my quest for growth – spiritually that is. Physically…let’s just say I’d rather not grow as fast!
I’ve been reading a little more and trying to apply what I have read a little more. I’ve realized that I really need to learn to listen with an open mind and heart instead of jumping in with what *I* feel or think! Maybe this is all part of becoming more aware….learning to live in the moment?
Sometimes I try my best to be patient and let things that irritate not irritate me, but it sort of lashes back at me because then I lash out or get angry at something small! So…maybe I need to not learn to control but to let it go through, feel it and THEN let it go. I don’t know…a few months ago I felt this sudden urgency to get things done, as in self growth and all that. Now…not so much an urgency but more of this quiet yet deep knowing that there is much I have to learn and to improve on.
I wish I could say that I am more accepting of myself…well to be honest I think I am..a little more. It’s more internal than external, which I’m taking as a start.
It’s strange..I have all these books that will help me to get back to myself, I started with Paul Ferrini’s book which lays out these 8 steps ( Keys to the Kingdom). Read the whole book, started with the first step, with the intention to continue to build on each step every week..uhm..it’s been about a month or slightly less and I’m still at “Am I loving myself at this moment”. I’d like to say that I’m lazy which is very true but at the same time I’m a little aghast to think that I may “just not be bothered because it’s not going to help me”. I try to placate myself then by thinking..maybe I’m just afraid of change, which to my warped mind is a lot better than being apathetic about my own growth!
Good intentions are wonderful but one needs a less lazy behind to get in gear, me thinks!
I’ve been also working on a project. It sort of came about in a weird sort of way. I was happily drawing and colouring with additions of sprinkling some “My blog! My blog! I need to post in my blog!”, when the idea of the project came to me. It’s not done yet but it’s coming along and I’m kind of quietly excited about that.
I also made good use of my newly (re) discovered artistic side….I drew a picture for my mom and sis, framed them (the pieces not my mom and sis) and gave them as Christmas gifts! My mom’s thank you went something like this ” Draw a picture of Lord Ganesha so that we can give it to X” – the X being the parent’s close friends. Something about “Give a foot and they ask for a yard” came to mind..but it’s all good. And no..I haven’t even attempted to try drawing Lord Ganesha…I haven’t progressed much with animal drawings after Unicorn May so a roly-poly god with an elephant’s head might prove a challenge.
Well, that’s about it…I’d thought I would have lots to write about this journey but maybe the changes are so subtle and there are so many times when we move forwards and then slip back a step or two that sometimes, there is nothing really much to write about?