In about 3 hours, it will be exactly 2 months and a day since my mum was rushed to the hospital in distress. 2 months since I spent the night that was to be her last, with her at the hospital and a day short of 2 months since she passed on – to continue her journey as the beautiful, amazing soul that she is.
I left my job 4 months ago. I started a career in medical writing 3 years ago. I got officially divorced some 9 years ago. Left my then husband 11 years and 7 months ago…and the list goes on and on.
I don’t know about you. I don’t know about humanity in general. I just know that what started as this little feeling, this small awareness some years ago, is now this raging, in my face reality.
Time to me seems to have a drug problem. The drug being speed.
Time has decided to say a “fuk-it-all” to us humans as a whole and hopped on a bullet train to bliss.
Because for the past 3 years, and definitely during this past year, it’s as if I can’t keep track of time anymore. One moment it’s the 2nd of November morning and the next it’s the tail end of the day.
I’m sitting in front of my computer working, I glance at the little clock in the corner of the screen and it says “Thu 12.30”. The next “moment” it says “Thu 15.30”.
It’s November now. Before I know it, it’s going to be Christmas, then New Year’s and we’ll be 2 years away from 2020. That’s the year movies used to use a far off future in the 1980s! Damn it! That was 30 years ago? Sigh…
Time is a funny thing. I do believe that this thing we call time is a human construct. Our human minds couldn’t grab hold to the idea of the Universe being timeless, so we had to do something about it. So, we created time. I think. I mean, I’m not a physicist.
Sure, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Yes, we have our day time and night time, the seasons come and go. And humans have marked this with a unit of measurement. So, in that sense I guess time does exist.
Oh but how it can bend and twist and turn. Expanding and contracting at the same time for different people, in the same location, doing the same thing. For instance, put two people in a kitchen – one who loves to cook, the other who just can’t stand it. An hour in, the first will probably say “Oh, how time flies!”. The second will be bemoaning the fact that time needs to hurry the fudge up, already! See?
Perception. How we see things. How we feel things. How we feel time.
You know, if you really get down to it, it’s the same with anything and everything isn’t it? For example weight. Give someone who isn’t used to or doesn’t have the build to lug around a 10 kg bag, and it’ll be the heaviest thing ever. Their muscles would cry out in pain, they’d be sweating and breathing really hard. Their hearts pumping just as hard and fast. Give someone else who is used to carrying that sort of weight or more, and easy-peasy.
So, it’s my perception of time then that is making me feel the way I feel about time? And if that is so, what is it that’s making me look and feel time this way?
Guess that’s a question to ponder for another TIME! Ha!
Do you feel the same about time too?