I decided to take the “day off” yesterday. You know, enjoy not doing anything. Letting my overactive monkey mind to relax. Maybe, read a book. Have a couple of naps. Just be totally lazy. Basically, let Abigail my inner magical sloth (shamelessly borrowed from Lev Grossman’s The Magician King – awesome book, by the way) to come out and just do what sloths do best.
See, for some reason I have not been able to be completely “lazy” at all for the past few months – since the beginning of this year. Actually, since quite some time before. But, beginning of this year is when it’s become quite evident, to me.
I’ve tried. Slacking off that is. It’s just that when I do, my mind goes off like a headless chicken running in circles, listing all the things that I should be doing, that I need to be doing, that I have to be doing, on and on. I’ve had to consciously stop, breathe, and tell it to calm the (insert adult word) down. I’ve had to reprimand my mind and in a strong and authoritative voice tell it “I am going to ENJOY this short time of enjoyment!”
Of course, two minutes later, it’s back running the circles and reciting the list.
Yesterday, I really FELT like I couldn’t be arsed about anything. Deadlines? Ha! I laughed at their faces (yes, I have a few deadlines hanging over my head like little death clouds). Drawing mandalas? Ha! Today I shall rest! Making appointments to see some people? Ha! Another day!
I told myself I deserved a day off. I earned it. I wanted it. I just wanted to sit my bum down comfortably on my mattress and read, put my head on my pillow in the afternoon and have a nice, long glorious nap.
Well, the deadlines are still looming. The mandalas remain un-drawn. The appointments remain unmade. Good yes? No.
I spent the whole day doing up both my web-blog sites. I went through the Artful Scribe and cleaned that up. I settled on a lovely theme. Set up the widgets where I wanted them. Set the colour of the site. Took me about 2+ hours.
Then, I did the same for this blog site. Took me longer to decide what should go up and where. Did everything to pretty it up and by the time I was done, I still hadn’t written my 2nd day Nano Poblano post yet.
I also finally settled a little problem that I had with the Artful Scribe site. Because of my brilliant impatience. Sometimes, I do some things on an impulse, not thinking it through at all, and then actually say “Oops”. However, when WordPress says that their engineers are Happiness Engineers and they want to make you happy – they mean it. I’ve used their chat support three times, and each time I just wanted to reach into the screen, all the way across to where that Happiness Engineer was and give them a BIG SQUISHY (completely platonic and innocent) hug!
So, yea. It’s 10.20 pm here, it’s still Thursday. So my “yesterday” is actually “today”. I’m writing this up because tomorrow I’ll be working at the clinic.
On the plus side – I did have a half hour nap this evening.
So, maybe not a complete fail to have a day off.
And what does this teach us, fellow human?
For me it is a glaring realisation that I really need to walk the talk. The talk of trusting the Universe and myself in the decisions that I have made – to become a freelance writer and to use this time to focus on my art.
The talk of allowing myself to be okay and enjoy a time off once in a while.
The talk of needing to take care of me first.
The talk of needing to focus on one thing, regardless if that thing is just enjoying doing no-thing or doing some thing.
The talk of knowing that I am worth the time off.
And most importantly that talking, doing and knowing is one thing, but when I really and truly believe it, my mind will also make that connection and allow me to just BE.