It’s 2018. A new year. A new page for the next 364 days remaining (unless it’s a leap year…I didn’t check).
I had this blog post sort of half planned in my mind. Of what 2017 offered. Of what I learned from it. Of what lessons I should bring into 2018. But, as most half planned (or fully planned) ideas of mine, it’s struggling a little to be put into words.
I’m still going to try!
The year that was 2017
To be very honest, I can’t really remember the first half of 2017. I know I was burned out from work. I was cranky, I was grumpy and I think I must have felt like a trapped bird in a cage.
The second half however did bring a lot of life changing moments.
- I left my job, because my sanity seemed more important at that time.
- I went back to practicing part time as a GP – only 2 days a week. I knew if I did more, I’d regret it.
- My mum passed on, and with it the journey of letting her go and facing the emotions and thoughts that came up within me. Knowing myself, I’m sure there’s more of those hidden and it will take its time to show itself. But, I figure that that’s all right.
To cap all that off, I now have lost the GP practice days. Basically, I was unceremoniously dumped by the doctor because she had found someone more permenant. It’s an odd feeling. This feeling of panic and underlying that this sense of release. This big mental and emotional sigh of relief. My last day at the clinic was the last day of 2017. When I walked out, I felt this sense of freedom, and it felt…awesome.
I don’t know what 2018 has in store for me. I do know that whatever it is, I’ll be okay. It’s this feeling that envelopes the fears and uncertainty my mind keeps playing. So, we shall see.
The three important things I have learned
- For me, consistency is the name of my game. Consistency in what I do and how I do them will be my mantra. I’m not sure for how long it shall remain as one, but for now I’m just going to keep “consistent, consistent, consistent”.
- I really can and am pretty good at manifesting situations and things in my life. The problem however, is that my manifestations usually have me going “oops” instead of “yes!”. That thing about losing those 2 days of consistent work at the clinic? Yea, I did manifest that. And after talking to my sister, I know now how I manifested it.
So, here’s the thing.
What I know is right in front of my nose. Everything else, I do not know. It’s just the conjecture of my mind. Drama and fear which are not real. Illusions of sorts.
So, I focus on what I do know NOW. And I use my energies to CREATE abundance in wealth and health. Healthy body, mind, emotions and spirit.
I focus my attention to bring in the abundance of life to me. Because I make a choice. My choice is firm. My choice is to attract only the awesome and good things. I TRUST.
Because really, nothing else is certain is it? So why create things I don’t want? The past is the past. I can’t do anything about it now. It’s gone. Only NOW exists, right?
For me right NOW, is NOW. So, what is there to do but to focus on that. – taken from my journal ramblings dated 29th December 2017.
- It’s okay to feel anger, frustration and fear. It really is okay. It’s a part of who I am. However, I realise that I don’t have to dwell on it. The more I do, the stronger the vortex of all that I fear becomes. I have to learn…I want to learn to allow myself to FEEL the emotions at that time, feel it and then let it go.
A long time ago, I used to throw loads of pity parties for myself. BUT, I would always give myself an hour or maybe half a day if I was feeling particularly morose. After that, I’d “wake up”, and just move on. So, I’m thinking…that’s a good way to approach the drama queen residing in my mind. Just give myself permission to feel whatever it is I am feeling and then, that’s it. No need to rationalise the feelings.
I do that. Rationalise my feelings. I don’t know. I don’t think that works.
So, today, the first day of 2018, I have these few plans waiting to be plotted into something more tangible. Simple things such as:
- Being consistent
- Taking smaller steps
- Focusing on the NOW
- Believing in my own power of manifestation
- Being ok with not being okay
There’ll be lines to fill below each of the above points, but for now I’m going to practice taking smaller steps.
For now, I’m going to leave this post as it is. I’m going to leave those points up there as a reminder that I’ll need to reflect and decide what I want to include in those lines.
And, I’m going to go get a shower!
May your 2018 be filled with awesomeness and may it support you in your dreams and send you people and situations that uplift you!