My Journey

This page is dedicated to my own journey of returning to my heart. My experiences, good and confusing that will eventually allow me to hear and listen to my own heart songs. I hope this story will help you in your journey and to let you know, that you are not alone 🙂

Date: 7th December 2011

Spirituality is something that I’ve always been interested in. I called it a whole load of other things such as religion, the occult, the world of psychic and magic; and karma. Now I sort of know better and just use the blanket term of spirituality which in my definition means anything to do with the spirit or soul. It’s the journey that we take as souls to evolve into brighter light and to become closer to the Source or God. Wikipedia might have a better write up on it, so feel free to click the linked words 😉

Somehow, I feel we are all in search of something. It’s just that “the something” for us all, though in its very foundation is the same thing, is perceived by us in a variety of ways. I’m still not sure what exactly that “something” is, but the more I read, think and learn about our soul journeys, the more I believe that it’s to transcend from what we are to our fullest potential – in the spirit or soul sense.  It’s not something that happens over night and it certainly isn’t something , that I feel, happens in a life time.  It happens over the many life times we live, each time with lessons that we need to learn.

So, I started on this spiritual journey about a year and 5 months ago. Boy, was I all excited and pumped to feel that finally, finally I was going to get all spiritual and psychic. Wave my hands and in Harry Potter style conjure up some fantastic mythical creature. I was aiming for a Unicorn, a magical dolphin or a dragon. I imagined glorious scenes of having wonderful, mind-boggling conversations with any one or two of the Archangels I wasn’t too choosy), as we sat on my bed  as I drank a cup of coffee and puffed on my cigarette. Walking through the mall, with my Spirit Guide in tow, whispering to each other and sharing a joke or two. Or hey, even travelling different dimensions and visiting ethereal beings, maybe  saying howdy to my other dimensional self.

Boy, was I so wrong!

Instead I went full steam ahead of about 3 months. Had a freaky experience somewhere in there. Completely stalled for about 6 months and because I finally could NOT take this horrible restless and uncomfortable feeling which developed  and progressively worsened, restarted my stalled engine and am back put-putting away, into where I’m not too sure.

Where I previously made myself meditate every single day, I started this part of my present journey by only meditating when I felt I could. If I was too tired, I didn’t. Where previously I forced my mind to imagine something…anything with a light hovering somewhere out there in space, this time I could actually feel myself looking and feeling inwards, inside me. Where previously I went and bought books upon books on anything that felt mythical and remotely spiritual just so I could stock my bookshelves with them , this time I…….well, some bad habits just won’t budge.

Here’s the thing though. I feel some change. I’ve been feeling this change since the beginning of this year, which I took as “I hate my job”, ” I can’t stand the place that I work at” and left it as a general dissatisfaction of life – my so called pre mid life crisis. I’ve come to realize though that the change was happening within me, and it wasn’t about the job, it wasn’t about the people I worked with, it wasn’t that I needed to go to the gym again….it was my soul telling me that it was time for me to go back on the journey.

This time, I’m also facing a new cross-road in my life. A decision that once I made up my mind about, suddenly opened doors for me that I didn’t think would be possible. However, there is also this thing about the mind and logic..and my once in a while sober mind keeps casting these evil little imps called doubts. What’s scary is that, when I started doubting myself, I found the doors starting to close, while I still am sitting on that imaginary rock with chin resting on fist trying to look like that Thinking Man.

Now, for the handful of you that are actually human and read my posts, don’t laugh. Or if you think you might, I’d advice you to not be eating, drinking or smoking anything as you read the next sentence. (I’ll give you some time to quickly swallow whatever it is that you’ve been munching or sipping on)

The decision that I am talking about is that I have decided that I want to write! Professionally. As in a writer for a magazine. Or a free lance writer. Writer of really short ,short fiction. Writing about spirituality ..stuff (hey, I’m still a newbie at this spirituality thing, so all I can say right now about it is..stuff)

So that’s what I’ve decided to do. I decided one fine warm humid yucky afternoon as I was having my after lunch cigarette that I needed to get back on my spiritual journey and to do something about the thing that I love to do, which is to write. The spiritual journey? That’s a no brainer. I’m back on it. The writing though, that’s where the doors started opening as soon as I said it to myself. That’s the one, when I started doubting, I felt the doors closing. That’s the one that I’m doing the “Thinking Man” about.

I’m still plunging ahead though, doing what I do best. Ordering books on writing. It’s all at once terrifying and amazing to see how a mind that just knows something about the general path it wants to take does things. I have ordered books on grammar, on how to write creative non fiction, how to do book reviews, how to write creative fiction…..oh and how to write articles for magazines as well.

As I leave you with that terrible imagery, here’s the thing I’m slowly figuring out. I’m figuring out that it’s okay. That’s why it’s called a journey and that is why it’s called learning. I just know that when you decide what you truly want to do, what will make you simply happy..the path will open for you as you take that first step. It will become clearer as you keep walking, and as you tumble and fumble along.

I’ll end this with a few quotes:

The longest journey
Is the journey inwards
Of him who has chosen his destiny. Dag Hammarskjold

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Pierre Teilhard De Chardin, in The Phenomenon of Man

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27 thoughts on “My Journey

  1. Hi,

    Great To See Your story. You have became the Master of Your Own Fate, Captain of You Own Soul.

    Thank You for stopping by my writings.

    -Awesome AJ
    I am the MASTER of My FATE, I am the CAPTAIN of My SOUL.

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  2. as you say, Shree, by being aware … well that’s something… AND I think we all go through this kind of ‘wall’ thing, I had my time away from WordPress, and I didn’t write or do anything creative… I just let myself drift… searching for ‘something’ other than the ‘norm’ … Things just come to a head and… something has to give, I’m sitting here, Bank Holiday Monday, … drinking my first coffee, (need two to get my brain into gear 😉 ) … and the birds outside are singing away like mad… I wish I had their enthusiasm, but I am getting there. slowly, but surely.. Your journey is your personal ‘walk’ through this life… at this moment in time, it’s what you need to do, find yourself and you’re there.. Boredom is your mind, saying “what’re ya doin’? .. get on with something else… ” 🙂 something productive,…. and that’s what you’re achieving in your steps listed above.. … Great uplifting post … and good to have you back amongst us.. (I know I said that before ,.. but I means it!!!) xPenx ..

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    1. Aww thanks Pen and yes we all have our own unique journey specially tailored for our needs. And that the problem with our mind isn’t it? It’s full of little goblins chattering away making us feel inadequate, that we *need* to be doing something, wait for the other shoe to drop and all that stuff. It’s a good thing actually to sometimes just drift and to let be and to go with the flow…but sometimes I feel we need to keep reminding ourselves that it’s OKAY! to do that! hehe. I’m glad to be back 🙂 Missed you and the other wonderful friends I’ve made on here 🙂

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  3. Wow, you sound an awful lot like me. I over analyze things, over plan, have overly high expectations of most things and people. . . Maybe we’re twins!

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    1. Aww Binky!!! *sniff* I feel so special that you would think we were twins! Even if you’re a wombat 😉
      Now, let’s hope you are commenting as Binky and not Chris or Peter! hehehe.
      And you’re so right..I do do all those things you’ve listed out..and what happens is when I’m done with the over analyzing, over planning and expecting too much..I just freeze, get too tired and I don’t do anything! or…what is worse is I will decide to do it but without the same enthusiasm as when I was planning (because I’d be tired) and THEN I’d get all disappointed with the outcome…*face palm*

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      1. Well I was really commenting as Peter! But I do so many of those things like you do. And I often build up something so much that in reality it fails to live up to my expectations. It’s certainly good if you can temper that tendency.

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    1. You’re not a hack 😛 Yes, journeys are long…and yes it maybe uphill..and yes the view is wonderful to see…to take a rest…and then we continue…

      Mandela has a quote on just this climbing hill and life thing! I can’t remember right now..but it’s out there some where 😉

      Your view and my view…both as magnificent…:)

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            1. Ooops…hmmm…..aren’t you supposed to just click on that Linkitz thingie and then follow the instructions? AND copy and paste the code for whichever week’s badge on the side bar in your post…so it links back to the Grid…

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  4. I have not read the whole ‘My Journey’ yet, but the first page is fantastic. Go for it, follow your dreams, I am on a similar path (I am in the process of trying to do the same after losing my job, and am now reassessing my life and what I want to do).

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    1. Thank you, Penny 🙂

      I’m sorry for the loss of your job and at the same time really heartened to read that it’s given you the opportunity to reassess your life and what you want to do!

      It’s scary…I’m sure…and at the same time you show your true strength by looking at it as an opportunity! All the very bestest to you and may your dream flow like a beautiful river and may abundance follow it too! 🙂

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