My Journey

Date: 11th June 2012

New blog with a new name with no so new thoughts being written (typed) out. My journey has been one of lots of stops and starts, but you know after going through it all I really don’t mind it too much. I’m hoping that I’m learning my lessons with each start and stop. For the past few weeks I’ve sensed some changes in me. They aren’t very big changes but changes nevertheless.

I’m putting in more effort in the course that I signed up for. Reading the book, trying to figure it out…slowly, trying to minimize the time I spend on the internet, listening to some of my favourite CDs, trying to remember to say my mantras / affirmations and the like.

I’ll admit I didn’t start this willingly…I actually sorta fought it till I had a mini little breakdown. Threw a pity party for myself, got all wound up and angry, frustrated and wrote a little something:

Disclaimer: If anyone of you come across this, please disregard..I just felt this and wanted to get it out (some shit about getting stuff out) So I typed it out, thought and debated if it should be kept private, then decided if it was kept private that’s not getting this thing “out”…so therefore..its now “out”. I am hoping it gets lost in all the other shit I post..at least it won’t be so bad.

I feel like a failure.

It doesn’t help when its rubbed into your face.It doesn’t help when it is assumed I don’t know stuff..I do.

So many things I feel and that go through my mind…I put myself down more than enough…I don’t need anyone else doing that for me 😦

I so want to say to life “I give up! Just do whatever it is you wanna do with me. I don’t give a shit anymore”

But I have this stupid thing in me called hope..and to say it bluntly..this hope is gonna be the death of me :/

Oh and by the way, the above classic was written and posted on my Facebook page.

A week a more prior to that, I had the opportunity to meet with Anne Jones who’s a healer. I seriously was feeling desperate. I sat there in the room with her and I just talked and talked. I whined and moped and almost cried. The thing was I needed help…I had been trying but it didn’t seem to be working. I needed and wanted my heart to open. I felt that if she couldn’t help me…I was doomed. I mean I know that wouldn’t really have been the case (hopefully) but at that point in time I honestly felt so.

She helped me. That’s all I can say. Together with my wanting so much to open my heart and with her gift of healing we opened my heart 🙂 It was a step. The first step. She gave me the tools to allow me to open my heart more and I’m using it. Each time I say the affirmation and imagine my heart center I can feel that beautiful pink light wash over me and its the most wonderful feeling ever. Sometimes I feel it stronger than other times, sometimes longer than other times…but each little opportunity I get to feel it, it makes me smile and warms me inside.

She told me that there mustn’t be should or ought to in our journey. There is no right or wrong way. There is our way, the way that suits us best and to follow that. You know, hearing her say that…took a ton of pressure away from me. I still have doubts. I still wonder…but I tell myself that the aim is to ascend and to find my way to God and to my true self. It’s something I have to keep reminding myself, but that’s fine too.

Right now I’m just taking it one day at a time. My day to day life is as it is. My working life is making me frustrated. I feel like I’m losing patience easily with those I work with , I try my best to not drag myself to work by telling myself that its just a part of my journey and that I am where I am supposed to be…but that’s getting more and more difficult to do and hold on to. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon for the same type of position but at a different company. The good thing about this one is that its NOT in the Nutritional industry and it’s a European based company. I’ve no idea how the interview is going to turn out or what the outcome is – I’m hoping that it will be fruitful. I need it to be. I want it to be. The office is much closer to home which is something I am glad for too.

One of my dreams is to write about life and spirituality which is why I started this blog. This will be my stepping stone and part of my journey, my learning, my experience.

At this point, I’m contented. I still have work to do and I still want to put in more effort, but right now I’m comfortable and that to me is good.

27 thoughts on “My Journey

  1. Hi,

    Great To See Your story. You have became the Master of Your Own Fate, Captain of You Own Soul.

    Thank You for stopping by my writings.

    -Awesome AJ
    I am the MASTER of My FATE, I am the CAPTAIN of My SOUL.

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  2. as you say, Shree, by being aware … well that’s something… AND I think we all go through this kind of ‘wall’ thing, I had my time away from WordPress, and I didn’t write or do anything creative… I just let myself drift… searching for ‘something’ other than the ‘norm’ … Things just come to a head and… something has to give, I’m sitting here, Bank Holiday Monday, … drinking my first coffee, (need two to get my brain into gear 😉 ) … and the birds outside are singing away like mad… I wish I had their enthusiasm, but I am getting there. slowly, but surely.. Your journey is your personal ‘walk’ through this life… at this moment in time, it’s what you need to do, find yourself and you’re there.. Boredom is your mind, saying “what’re ya doin’? .. get on with something else… ” 🙂 something productive,…. and that’s what you’re achieving in your steps listed above.. … Great uplifting post … and good to have you back amongst us.. (I know I said that before ,.. but I means it!!!) xPenx ..

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    1. Aww thanks Pen and yes we all have our own unique journey specially tailored for our needs. And that the problem with our mind isn’t it? It’s full of little goblins chattering away making us feel inadequate, that we *need* to be doing something, wait for the other shoe to drop and all that stuff. It’s a good thing actually to sometimes just drift and to let be and to go with the flow…but sometimes I feel we need to keep reminding ourselves that it’s OKAY! to do that! hehe. I’m glad to be back 🙂 Missed you and the other wonderful friends I’ve made on here 🙂

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  3. Wow, you sound an awful lot like me. I over analyze things, over plan, have overly high expectations of most things and people. . . Maybe we’re twins!

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    1. Aww Binky!!! *sniff* I feel so special that you would think we were twins! Even if you’re a wombat 😉
      Now, let’s hope you are commenting as Binky and not Chris or Peter! hehehe.
      And you’re so right..I do do all those things you’ve listed out..and what happens is when I’m done with the over analyzing, over planning and expecting too much..I just freeze, get too tired and I don’t do anything! or…what is worse is I will decide to do it but without the same enthusiasm as when I was planning (because I’d be tired) and THEN I’d get all disappointed with the outcome…*face palm*

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      1. Well I was really commenting as Peter! But I do so many of those things like you do. And I often build up something so much that in reality it fails to live up to my expectations. It’s certainly good if you can temper that tendency.

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    1. You’re not a hack 😛 Yes, journeys are long…and yes it maybe uphill..and yes the view is wonderful to see…to take a rest…and then we continue…

      Mandela has a quote on just this climbing hill and life thing! I can’t remember right now..but it’s out there some where 😉

      Your view and my view…both as magnificent…:)

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            1. Ooops…hmmm…..aren’t you supposed to just click on that Linkitz thingie and then follow the instructions? AND copy and paste the code for whichever week’s badge on the side bar in your post…so it links back to the Grid…

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  4. I have not read the whole ‘My Journey’ yet, but the first page is fantastic. Go for it, follow your dreams, I am on a similar path (I am in the process of trying to do the same after losing my job, and am now reassessing my life and what I want to do).

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    1. Thank you, Penny 🙂

      I’m sorry for the loss of your job and at the same time really heartened to read that it’s given you the opportunity to reassess your life and what you want to do!

      It’s scary…I’m sure…and at the same time you show your true strength by looking at it as an opportunity! All the very bestest to you and may your dream flow like a beautiful river and may abundance follow it too! 🙂

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