This page is dedicated to my own journey of returning to my heart. My experiences, good and confusing that will eventually allow me to hear and listen to my own heart songs. I hope this story will help you in your journey and to let you know, that you are not alone 🙂
Date: 7th December 2011
Spirituality is something that I’ve always been interested in. I called it a whole load of other things such as religion, the occult, the world of psychic and magic; and karma. Now I sort of know better and just use the blanket term of spirituality which in my definition means anything to do with the spirit or soul. It’s the journey that we take as souls to evolve into brighter light and to become closer to the Source or God. Wikipedia might have a better write up on it, so feel free to click the linked words 😉
Somehow, I feel we are all in search of something. It’s just that “the something” for us all, though in its very foundation is the same thing, is perceived by us in a variety of ways. I’m still not sure what exactly that “something” is, but the more I read, think and learn about our soul journeys, the more I believe that it’s to transcend from what we are to our fullest potential – in the spirit or soul sense. It’s not something that happens over night and it certainly isn’t something , that I feel, happens in a life time. It happens over the many life times we live, each time with lessons that we need to learn.
So, I started on this spiritual journey about a year and 5 months ago. Boy, was I all excited and pumped to feel that finally, finally I was going to get all spiritual and psychic. Wave my hands and in Harry Potter style conjure up some fantastic mythical creature. I was aiming for a Unicorn, a magical dolphin or a dragon. I imagined glorious scenes of having wonderful, mind-boggling conversations with any one or two of the Archangels I wasn’t too choosy), as we sat on my bed as I drank a cup of coffee and puffed on my cigarette. Walking through the mall, with my Spirit Guide in tow, whispering to each other and sharing a joke or two. Or hey, even travelling different dimensions and visiting ethereal beings, maybe saying howdy to my other dimensional self.
Boy, was I so wrong!
Instead I went full steam ahead of about 3 months. Had a freaky experience somewhere in there. Completely stalled for about 6 months and because I finally could NOT take this horrible restless and uncomfortable feeling which developed and progressively worsened, restarted my stalled engine and am back put-putting away, into where I’m not too sure.
Where I previously made myself meditate every single day, I started this part of my present journey by only meditating when I felt I could. If I was too tired, I didn’t. Where previously I forced my mind to imagine something…anything with a light hovering somewhere out there in space, this time I could actually feel myself looking and feeling inwards, inside me. Where previously I went and bought books upon books on anything that felt mythical and remotely spiritual just so I could stock my bookshelves with them , this time I…….well, some bad habits just won’t budge.
Here’s the thing though. I feel some change. I’ve been feeling this change since the beginning of this year, which I took as “I hate my job”, ” I can’t stand the place that I work at” and left it as a general dissatisfaction of life – my so called pre mid life crisis. I’ve come to realize though that the change was happening within me, and it wasn’t about the job, it wasn’t about the people I worked with, it wasn’t that I needed to go to the gym again….it was my soul telling me that it was time for me to go back on the journey.
This time, I’m also facing a new cross-road in my life. A decision that once I made up my mind about, suddenly opened doors for me that I didn’t think would be possible. However, there is also this thing about the mind and logic..and my once in a while sober mind keeps casting these evil little imps called doubts. What’s scary is that, when I started doubting myself, I found the doors starting to close, while I still am sitting on that imaginary rock with chin resting on fist trying to look like that Thinking Man.
Now, for the handful of you that are actually human and read my posts, don’t laugh. Or if you think you might, I’d advice you to not be eating, drinking or smoking anything as you read the next sentence. (I’ll give you some time to quickly swallow whatever it is that you’ve been munching or sipping on)
The decision that I am talking about is that I have decided that I want to write! Professionally. As in a writer for a magazine. Or a free lance writer. Writer of really short ,short fiction. Writing about spirituality ..stuff (hey, I’m still a newbie at this spirituality thing, so all I can say right now about it is..stuff)
So that’s what I’ve decided to do. I decided one fine warm humid yucky afternoon as I was having my after lunch cigarette that I needed to get back on my spiritual journey and to do something about the thing that I love to do, which is to write. The spiritual journey? That’s a no brainer. I’m back on it. The writing though, that’s where the doors started opening as soon as I said it to myself. That’s the one, when I started doubting, I felt the doors closing. That’s the one that I’m doing the “Thinking Man” about.
I’m still plunging ahead though, doing what I do best. Ordering books on writing. It’s all at once terrifying and amazing to see how a mind that just knows something about the general path it wants to take does things. I have ordered books on grammar, on how to write creative non fiction, how to do book reviews, how to write creative fiction…..oh and how to write articles for magazines as well.
As I leave you with that terrible imagery, here’s the thing I’m slowly figuring out. I’m figuring out that it’s okay. That’s why it’s called a journey and that is why it’s called learning. I just know that when you decide what you truly want to do, what will make you simply happy..the path will open for you as you take that first step. It will become clearer as you keep walking, and as you tumble and fumble along.
I’ll end this with a few quotes:
The longest journey
Is the journey inwards
Of him who has chosen his destiny. Dag Hammarskjold